Montag, 6. Februar 2017

любовьверностьуважение - ein offener Liebesbrief an meinen Mann

Das Haselchen und ich sind nun seit 5 Jahren verheiratet. Klar, das sind noch keine 15 oder gar 50. Aber doch ist es nicht gerade erst seit Gestern. Daher kommt jetzt hier ein offener Liebesbrief an den besten Mann, den ich mir nur wünschen könnte (in Englisch, damit er ihn auch wirklich lesen kann – und weil es ich sehr seltsam anfühlt, wenn ich versuche, Deutsch mit ihm zu sprechen^^).

My Dearchen,

It’s our wedding anniversary and I didn’t get you anything. I know you say that’s not an issue, but anyways… I still take this as an opportunity to tell you and the whole world how much I love you.

You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are the love of my life. With you, I finally found happiness. Yes, in a way I do love our baby sonchen more. But it is another love. Another kind of love. So the way I love you, I have never loved anyone before and I would never be able to love anybody else. We are simply like two pieces of a puzzle.

I know that we are not always living happily in harmony. We are discussing, we are fighting. Because we both can be stubborn and stupid and moody. You can make me so angry! (and I you) But even when I am angry, even when I call you asshole or stupid, I never cease to love you. Not even for the fraction of a second.

I don’t love you just out of habit. I don’t love you just for the comfort of being with you (and I am really, really comfortable with you – I can drill my nose and scratch my ass, just as I can share my most inner thoughts and feelings with you! If that is not ‘being comfortable’ then I don’t know what should be). I really love you for who you are. Not for all that you do. Not even that, no. I know and I appreciate all the things you do for us as a family. All the love, patience and care you give baby sonchen and me. All the work you do at home. Keeping everything clean and in your order (even though I disagree with your way of order… ;-) ), taking care of the cat and the kid, handling all those Chinese invoices and issues, making sure we have fun stuff to watch in the evening, washing and hanging clothes, repairing everything that gets broken and cooking awesome food. I might not tell you often enough, but I really know it. I see it and I appreciate it.

But if you could not do all those things, I would not love you any less. I know that you always WOULD, for as long as you’re physically and mentally are able to.

I love you for humor. You might sometimes exaggerate the trolling a bit (;-P), but you make me laugh. I like your sense of humor, especially regarding playing with words and giving things double meanings. And you have a dark humor.

I love you, because you are intelligent. Sure, you don’t know everything. No one does. But you are able to understand, you are willing to listen and you change your opinion when you get new facts. Most of the times, of course. You sometimes can be horribly stupid and narrow minded as well. But then, after, you re-think and come to conclusions. Those might not always be the same ones as mine. But you can always explain your point of view on things. And if somebody can give you a legit explanation as to why your point is wrong, you are capable of changing your opinion. That is, unfortunately, a rare characteristic of people these days. At least so it seems…

I love you, because you are, in many ways, my opposite. Sure, you, for instance, also hate to call anywhere and we have to play to decide who calls anybody. But where I am seeking harmony and try to be as diplomatic as possible, where I am many times sell myself short, stay quiet, play along more, you are quite the opposite. You are bluntly open and honest even beyond the point of no return. You are like BAM! Here I am, this is what I think, this is why I think so. If you disagree, give me new facts or fuck off. Both our ways have their upsides and their downsides, I think. And we both can learn from each other. And sometimes have a good influence on one another…

You are a very passionate person. That can be awesome and that can, at times, be hard. You sometimes can burst out passionately in a negative way. We both know that, even though you are most likely to deny it. But also you are passionate in a good way. In a very sexy way. You are passionate in discussions when you are proving your point. And you are passionate about music. You not just KNOW a lot about music, which you do. You are also FEELING music in a very specific way. You might not dance. You don’t. But when I watch you listen to some music you truly like, when you close your eyes and lose yourself in the sound, this is very special. And then, of course, there is your own music. You haven’t been able to record much these past years due to the lack of time. But when your play the guitar, your soul becomes nearly palpable. With all its facets. Even with those you are usually not that keen in showing even to me, let alone to the “public”.

Because also, you are a very, very sensitive person. Much more than you want anybody to see. You have become very good at hiding it, I have to admit. But you are so… delicate, in a way. I know where this comes from and I know why you are pretending it does not exist towards people you do not fully trust. Why you barely ever cry. Why you rather yell “Fuck you! I don’t give a SHIT!” or cover everything up with some stupid joke then show that you are hurt. And I think this is one of the main reasons why I love you so much. Because you not only have the capacity to do so in theory, but you actually do feel so deeply, you care so much and you are so sensitive to all the nuances of human emotion. Every day. You might not cry as much as I do. But when I do, you actually do understand why and you feel with me. This is, as an unfortunate matter of fact, too scarce in the hardened world we live in. And I love you so much for it!

Yet, to some degree out of all the hurt you have felt in the past, you have risen with an inner strength that not many have. I know as a fact that you are very proud of that and that you even tend to overestimate it a tad. But your still have a strength to live through horrors. Not unharmed. Everything takes its toll. On you as well. But unbroken.

I love you, because you are caring. Most of the time, you don’t care too much for others. You don’t harm them, but you don’t care much. But for the people you love, may it be your friends or your family, you do everything you can. You go beyond the point of exhaustion and you would fight until the last drop of blood has left your body, if needed. Sometimes, even in normal everyday life situation, you completely ignore your own basic needs (like for food or sleep) just to care for the ones you love and make them happy and comfortable.

This last point, I do see a bit critical. Because I really, really want to grow old with you. I do not want to imagine a world without you. But in order to achieve our life goal of sitting together, old and grey, with wrinkles all over our faces as the badass grandma and grandpa with the multicolored hair and full of tattoos, you have to get old. Which you won’t, if you don’t take better care of yourself. Neither baby son, nor me, nor the cats, nor your mother or sister or anybody else will be angry or hurt or have any problem if there is a bit of chaos in the apartment, or we eat a simple quick dinner or we order in food or you ask me to bring something from the supermarket after work or anything like that. Seriously.

Plus: Drink less, eat healthier and do some freaking sport! In this world, you only have this one body. Once it is dying, you will have to leave this world. I am sure we will meet each other in the next, one way or another. But I really like our life together in this one. So even if the next would may be better, why not enjoy what we have right here, right now, for as long as possible?!

You are, in many ways and many times, a mystery to me still. I have known you for nearly 8 years now. That is more than ¼ of your life. Nearly 1/3. And I am still certain that you have secrets. You confirmed this to me yourself the other day. Not lies, but things you rather not tell anybody. Not even me. As long as I don’t ask. Honestly, I respect this, but I find it hard. As I have told you many times in the past and will never get tired of telling you, I want to share EVERYTHING with you. But still I respect it. Just as I respect you as the person you are. And always will.

We might not always agree on everything. But I love you. For who you are. And I always will.


Until my forever ends


Da es jetzt so gut passt, verlinke ich an dieser Stelle noch auf die Liebesbrief-Blogparade von "Verflixter Alltag". :) 

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